Calling the White House

[penmage]

I am answering the phones for Bossman P this week, while his assistant is on vacation. Most of his phone calls are official business, but, sweet baby Jesus! You would not believe how many of the calls are people cold calling with submissions.

Now, let me just flesh out the picture here: Bossman P is the president of children’s publishing. The president. As in, not even an editor. Not even a publisher. He's the guy on top.

What are these people thinking? I really do not understand. I just had a conversation with a woman who wanted to speak to Bossman P about her submission.

Me: What is this concerning?
Her: It’s about my book. I want to speak to him about publishing it.
Me: Do you have a previous relationship with Bossman R?
Her: No, but I need to discuss my book with him.
Me: If you have a submission, you need to submit it to submissions editor.
Her: No, I can’t just send it in. I need to protect my rights.
Me: (huge eyeroll) No one is going to steal your rights.
Her: I need to talk with him.
Me: It doesn’t work that way.
Her: (huffily) Then I will take my book somewhere else.

These people must do some research to get to the point where they have Bossman P’s name and try to call him. So why do they not realize that the president of children’s publishing is not going to want to field their calls? Do they also try to call the White House to discuss their political aspirations?

Someone explain this to me, because I got nothing.

Comments

[etoilepb.livejournal.com]

That's like all the paper resumes that come in the mail here to the head of HR.

I mean... really? You think randomly sending a resume to one of the CEO's direct reports in a many-thousand-person international corporation is going to get you a job? No. Here's a hint: try looking at the job listings. The SEVP of HR doesn't even know how many open positions we have, without looking it up.

[debg.livejournal.com]

blink It's a pity you had to be professional about it, because the only sane answer to his closing comment would have been the highly unprofessional "You know, I really doubt it..."

Are you in or around NYC tomorrow evening? Doing an event at Partners & Crime (44 Greenwich Avenue, at Charles, near the 14th Street station) and would love to meet as many locals as I can.

[esc-key.livejournal.com]

Oh publishing neophyte no, is right. This is why I hate the phone. Any idiot can use it!

How did she get R's number? Damn.

[penmage.livejournal.com]

I think she called the switchboard, and for some reason they put her through.

Maybe it's because Bossman R doesn't answer his phone anyway, his assistant does, so his assistant always fields the calls.

I think his assistant is usually nice than me, though. Once, he passed a psycho to me that he encouraged over the phone, and the guy called me every single month asking about a manuscript I had never seen. I think he finally got tired of calling and gave up.

Also! I need to give you your SVH book. It's awesomesauce.

[esc-key.livejournal.com]

Is Zippy still gone? Is the switchboard a mess now?

I can totally imagine R's assistant being too nice to everyone. R too now that I think of it.

Yay SVH!

[penmage.livejournal.com]

Zippy's out for a little while for recovery. In the meantime Lucas is there, and he's pretty good. Sometimes I overhear people calling--they're always so funny. All the calls start the same:

"Hi, I'm calling from ____________ (California, Michigan, New Jersey, etc) and I am..."

Like the most important part of the call is where they're from. It never fails.

[esc-key.livejournal.com]

Haha. Oh you're from Michigan! Let me put you right through! I thought you were going to be one of those Ohio bastards.

[coppervale.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I'm sorry I can't put you through - Tuesday is Idaho day."

[esc-key.livejournal.com]

In 49 days it'll be your turn again!

[coppervale.livejournal.com]

"However, if you can answer these three questions..."

And then you give them the number to Scholastic's switchboard.

[penmage.livejournal.com]

It would be awesome if there was an underground agreement between publishers switchboard operators to keep passing these people from house to house to house...

[coppervale.livejournal.com]

Um, was I not supposed to cold call the White House?

[esc-key.livejournal.com]

No, no. Call all you want. W has nothing better to do!

[embereye.livejournal.com]

Actually... it's possible that she calls the White House to complain too.

And that is hilarious. Seriously. I'm surprised your eyes are still in their sockets from the amount of eye-rolling you must be doing. :)

[penmage.livejournal.com]

People are crazy, man. Also, icon love!

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

"Ma'am, may I recommend PublishAmerica?"

[coppervale.livejournal.com]

Okay, that was just cold.






heh heh heh

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

you know you are secretly plotting to steal her awesome book.

[dandelion-diva.livejournal.com]

I love her parting line. 'Cause, I'm pretty sure that's what you were tryin' to tell her from the beginning (at least to take it to a different person).

[laurenthemself]

vassilissa said I should friend you because we have working-in-publishing and woe-stories-thereof in common. Judging from this, I'd say she made the right call...

[penmage.livejournal.com]

Hello, and welcome! What kind of publishing work do you do?

[laurenthemself]

I work in production at Wiley-Blackwell, which is a journal publisher here in Australia. My role entails logging in details like article titles and authors and the number of figures. So basically data entry.